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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities.


Arash
(@arash)
New Member
Joined: 1 year ago
Posts: 3
Topic starter  

I started this topic so that fellow students can share and read each other's response to the part 2 question below, If the tutors could find the time to take a quick glance and make some comments about the answers, even better! 

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The structure proposed for the response is in the spoiler, you can, however, develop your essay from scratch, in fact, I highly recommend it as it increases the diversity of essays in this thread.

Spoiler
Proposed response structure

Introduction

- Present topic of essay and my opinion 'Companies should provide sports/social facilities'

Body Paragraph 1

- (Main idea) These businesses have a responsibility to local communities

- (Reasons) Businesses are a part of the community - corporate responsibility - improve communities

Body Paragraph 2

- (Main idea) Providing these facilities is good for the business

- (Reasons) Good for public image of company - advertising potential

Conclusion

- Restate main ideas

Here's my answer following the plan

Whether companies should build and maintain sports and social facilities in their area or not, remains a debatable topic. The author believes they should do so as it is part of their responsibility and would benefit them immensely.

 

Businesses have a responsibility to their local communities. As a part of the community, they should help out to the best of their abilities. Building and operating social and sports centers, therefore, should be taken into consideration as it can improve people's physical and mental health, resulting in an increased sense of attachment and a more connected society, which includes the company and its employees. This is integral if the business is to develop a culture of corporate responsibility and entice its workforce to take the initiative in supporting their co-workers.

 

Furthermore, providing such facilities is beneficial for the companies. Not only such philanthropic activities can enhance their public image but also it can provide them immense advertising potential. The mere act of sponsoring these facilities can promote brand awareness notwithstanding the direct advertisements that could be placed in these locations. With proper management these places could become a hotspot, servicing a considerable number of people, who could spend hours a day there, making the advertisement in those locations more effective than highway billboards for example. This will in all likelihood result in more costumers which will in turn generate more revenue for the business.

 

In conclusion, companies should provide sports and social facilities for their local communities. Not only because they are responsible for the well-being of the society they are a part of but also because of the advertising potential it provides them, which could ultimately improve their income.

This topic was modified 11 months ago 2 times by Arash

Quote
Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
Member Admin
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 103
 

Hi Arash, sorry for the delay in approving your post. I hope others will read it because you have a done a great job of planning and writing this task. Many students find it difficult to come up with ideas for this task but you have had no problem in this regard.

It is important to make a strong first impression in your essay, so I suggest making a few small changes to your introduction. First, we can remove 'or not' from the end of the complex noun phrase ('Whether...') as 'or not' is separated from 'whether' by a large distance of 12 words.

'whether or not' article

We should also remove the comma after the complex noun phrase, as there should not be a comma between a subject and the verb:

Whether companies should build and maintain sports and social facilities in their area remains a debatable topic.

It remains a debatable topic.

Notice the error if we use a comma after the subject/complex noun phrase:

It, remains a debatable topic.  (wrong)

Lastly, while it is acceptable to use 'the author believes...' to refer to yourself, this very formal style of writing is becoming less and less common. It is more common (and thus more acceptable) to use 'I', even in academic essays. That said, we should avoid personal pronouns in the main argument paragraphs.

Thanks for your contribution Arash!

This post was modified 10 months ago by Sam

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