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Writing task 1 assignment

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Ecclesia
(@ecclesia)
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Joined: 2 years ago
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Hi, I have completed the assignment for task 1 at the end of the module. Feedback and predicted band score would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

This topic was modified 2 years ago by Ecclesia

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Ecclesia
(@ecclesia)
Active Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 7
Topic starter  

The line graph below shows the number of tickets to London bought from train stations in the villages of Shirholm, Brockvale, Signy Lee and Breadham in 2018.

The line graph reveals the total amount of tickets sold at 4 train stations departing to London in 2018. Overall, both Shirholm and Brockvale station experienced an increase in ticket sales peaking by August. While less people consistently commuted from Signy Lee to London.

From January to August the sales from Brockvale rose from 10000 to a little over 14000. Simultaneously, Shirholm station followed the same upward trend, beginning at 7000 and rising to 9000. However, the following month, both stations began to see a decrease in ticket sales. Of the two, Brockvale station suffered the greatest loss, approximately 2100 less units as compared to August's figure.

Breadham station sold a record high number of 9000 tickets in January, subsequently, that value slowly dropped and dipped immensely in May to about 7900 before picking back up in August, resulting in 8000 tickets by the end of the year. In contrast, Signy Lee station never saw any significant changes in its ticketing profit. It is noted that there were miniature peaks and dips in May and September, but by December the number of tickets sold was the same as in January, roughly 3100 total.


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
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Joined: 3 years ago
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@ecclesia This is a very high band report, well done. Before I give you feedback, what is your target band?


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Ecclesia
(@ecclesia)
Active Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 7
Topic starter  

@admin Hi! I am taking IELTS for the 2nd time, the last round I got band 6 for writing so I am aiming for band 7.5+


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
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Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 103
 

@ecclesia Based on this task you are on target! To use 'while' correctly in your overview you'll need to combine the two sentences into 1 by replacing the fullstop with a comma.

In your first detail paragraph, the trends after August are not very clear. For example, you say 'Brockvale station suffered the greatest loss' but you do not say when this happens.

In the final paragraph I'd like to make 2 small changes. First, you do not need to use 'drop and dip' together as they mean the same thing here. Second, when you group pairs of data, use 'respectively': "It is noted that there was a miniature peak and dip in May and September, respectively."

Despite these small errors, a 7.5 is well within your reach! To avoid a band 6 again, make sure that you always cover enough of the data in task 1, and for task 2 always make sure your arguments are relevant. These are the biggest issues for high band students.


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Ecclesia
(@ecclesia)
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Joined: 2 years ago
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Topic starter  

@admin Understood! Thank you so much for the insight!


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Zoi
 Zoi
(@zoi)
New Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 1
 

Hi Sam and Tom,

I am a new student of yours and I would like your feedback for my introductions on writing task 1.

I attach my word document for your consideration.

Looking forward to your feedback.

Kind regards,

Zoi


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
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Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 103
 

@zoi Hi there. Yes, we received your email. Tom will have a look at them and send you his notes.


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Neysa
(@neysa)
New Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 2
 

Hi, I have finished the module and the assignment. I would like to have your feedback on my writing task 1 assignment. Thanks in advance!

 

The line graph below shows the number of tickets to London bought from train stations in the villages of Shirholm, Brockvale, Signy Lee and Breadham in 2018.

The line graph presents how many tickets to London had been bought at 4 different villages in 2018. Overall, Brockvale had the most number of tickets bought and Signy Lee with the least numbers.

From the beginning of the year, the number of tickets Brockvale sold was slowly increasing from 10,000 tickets, until reaching its peak in August with over 14,000 tickets sold. Subsequently, the number went down and up again until the end of the year. In contrast, Breadham's number of tickets started at 90,000 in January and slowly decreasing until reached its most downfall in August, with only 4,000 tickets sold. However, the numbers rose again until reaching 8,000 tickets in December.

Meanwhile, in Shirholm and Signy Lee, the numbers did not drastically change. Shirholm, at first had sold 7,000 tickets, then saw a subtle fluctuation until finally reaching 8,000 tickets at the end of the year. Signy Lee, the least tickets sold village, remained constant throughout the year, with the numbers stayed between 2,000 to 4,000.

 


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
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Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 103
 

@neysa

Hi Neysa,

Your introduction paragraph is very good, though you can improve it by mentioning the names of all four villages in the introduction paraphrase. There is a small grammar mistake at the end of your overview. You write: ‘Overall, Brockvale had the most number of tickets bought and Signy Lee with the least numbers.’

After the subject ‘Signy Lee’ we need a verb:

‘Overall, Brockvale had the most number of tickets bought and Signy Lee had the least.’

We don’t need to repeat ‘number(s)’ as we know what ‘the least’ means from the context.

Your body paragraphs are very well organised, so well done! Be careful of informal or basic vocab such as ‘the number went down and up again’. We can make this more academic by writing ‘the number fell before rising again at the end of the year’. Notice we use verb+ing after the preposition ‘before’.

Also be careful of verb errors such as in the sentence: ‘Breadham's number of tickets started at 90,000 in January and slowly decreasing until reached its most downfall…’

We can correct this to: ‘The number of tickets sold in Breadham started at 90,000 in January and slowly decreased until it reached its lowest…’

Finally, at the end you use a ‘with’ prepositional phrase ‘with the numbers stayed between…’. In a phrase such as this we use the gerund (verb+ing form): ‘with the numbers staying between…’ using the structure 'with + subject + verb ing + ...'

Your task achievement and coherence and cohesioin are very good, so continue to practice your grammar for task 1 task types.

Keep up the good work!


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Dame
 Dame
(@dame)
Active Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 13
 

Hi, please I'd like to know what corrections are to be made for my writing task 1. My target band score is 7.5+. Thanks and God bless.

The data illustrates different means of income for students below the age of 25 years studying in universities in Nottingham over a decade. Overall, the amount of money each student received increased steadily at the end of the ten year period whereas there was a drop in income between 1992 and 1993.

Money generated for students was at its highest at the end of the given period. It increased to a total of 5,575 pounds, where majorly of its source came from other at 34%. From the year 1992 to 1993, there was a slight drop in the income received by students. It plummeted to a total of 4,048 although grant was steady at 38%.

At the beginning of the decade, student loan was not available but as each year went by, it gradually became a means of income for University students. On the other had, Grant was the major source of income. It started at 38% and remained constant until it dropped from 1995 to 1999 at 23% and 14% respectively.

 

The table below shows sources of income over a ten-year period for University students in Nottingham in the United Kingdom.  


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
Member Admin
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 103
 

@dame Yes sure, I'll send your feedback in an email now.


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Neysa
(@neysa)
New Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 2
 

@admin Hi Sam, thank you so much for the feedback! It is very useful, I really appreciate it.

Understood, I will continue to practice my grammar for this task and IELTS in general.


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Dame
 Dame
(@dame)
Active Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 13
 

hiya, I've re written the body of the paragraphs, please I'd like to know if there are any improvements. thanks and God bless.

The data illustrates different means of income for students below the age of 25 years studying in universities in Nottingham over a decade. Overall, from 1988/89 to 1992/93, the amount of money every student received majority of it came from grants whereas students received more income from other sources between 1995/96 and 1998/99.

In 1988/89, grants were the highest source of income at 38%, which was 6% higher than parental contributions while other sources and earnings stood at 24% and 6% respectively. Although student loans were not available at the beginning of the period, the total income was 4,395 pounds. Interestingly, in 1992/93, income from grants were still at 38% but parental contributions and the money generated from other sources plummeted to 26% and 21%. However, student loans started at 8% and earnings slightly increased to 7%, where the sum total of income was at 4,048 pounds.

Furthermore, in 1995/96, the students received 27% of income from other sources, 23% from grants which was 1% greater than parental contributions. Meanwhile earnings and student loans accounted for 14% each and consequently all income totaled up to 4,951 pounds. At the end of the ten year period, most of the income were still from other sources at 34% and student loans improved to 24% even though parental contributions dropped to 16%. Surprisingly, the sum of all income was 5,575 pounds which was the highest amount of income with the steady declination of grants and earnings at 16% and 12% over the decade.


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Dame
 Dame
(@dame)
Active Member
Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 13
 

hi, please can I get a review on my writing task 1

The data gives information about the quantity of cows, sheep and pigs maintained by Australian farmers over a 50 year period. Overall, the amount of sheep were higher than that of cows and pigs, even though it dropped at the end of the period.

In 1951, sheep were the most preferred livestock compared to cows and pigs. The number of sheep were accounted for 115,301,000, which was far greater than the total number of cows at 14,222,000 while pigs were non-preferred by farmers. Twenty years later, the quantity of sheep and cows increased significantly at 177,533,000 and 23,209,000 respectively. Also, farmers begun to take interest in pigs, which in total was 2,590,000.

Furthermore, in 1981, the amount of cows slightly increased to 23,479,000 whereas the number of sheep and pigs decreased to 134,408,000 and 2,430,000. Interestingly, the quantity of cows, sheep and pigs had receive a steady increase in 1991. Although, sheep were the most liked animal among farmers, it was the only livestock that dropped in 2001 to 110,928,000, which was lower than the initial quantity in 1951.


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