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Academic Writing Task 1

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Sam
 Sam
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If you have any questions related to Academic Writing Task 1, or you would like us to look at your work, let us know here. 


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Sam
 Sam
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@abolfazl

Hi there Abolfazi,

In English we like to try and avoid repeating words when it is easy to use referencing, a synonym or paraphrase. You use ‘city center’ and ‘people’ twice in the first sentence and ‘travelling’ twice in the following two sentences. Since the introduction is the first part that the examiner reads, we want to leave the best first impression.

My corrections:

The bar chart displays why people decide to travel to the city center whereas the pie chart shows 6 different types of transportation chosen to reach their destination there.

Notice that I have added ‘the’ before ‘city center’ as it is one specific city center we are referring to (the city center that the people answered a survery about) and I have added ‘the’ before ‘pie chart’ as that is also a specific thing. We have a free lesson on articles that I recommend here: http://www.ieltstutors.org/ieltstutors-tips-blog/articles-important-ielts-grammar

I have also removed ‘vehicles’ as you already use the correct noun ‘transportation’. Lastly, to avoid the repetition of ‘city center’ I have simply used referencing (‘there’).

We can combine the final two sentences into one:

Shopping is the most favorable reason for travelling; however, the bus is the most appealing choice to make the journey.

Notice the punctuation (… ; however, …). I have also added ‘the’ before bus as it is a specific ‘type’ of transportation. To avoid repetition of ‘travelling’ I have used a paraphrase: ‘to make the journey’.

This post was modified 2 months ago by Sam

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Sam
 Sam
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@asmaa-benaim-8752

Hi Asmaa,

Similar to Abolfazi earlier, you have repeated a noun twice in the first sentence. It is easy to correct this:

The bar chart indicates the purposes of people travelling to the town centre, while the pie chart shows what type of transportation is used for the journey.

Because ‘is used’ is passive, we do not need to include ‘people’ as we already know from the context (the first clause) who is taking the journey. I have added ‘for the journey’ as it is a nice prepositional phrase that makes it clear we are referring to the trip to the town centre.

For your overview, we do not usually use a semi-colon with a coordinating conjunction (and/but/or) as that use is old-fashioned. In modern English we remove the semi-colon in these cases:

Overall, shopping, education and work are shown as the main reasons of travel and the bus, tram and train are the most used means  of transportation.

Be careful of adding an object to a passive structure if that object is very general, such as ‘by citizens’. It is probably not needed in most cases.


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Iolanta Chomag
(@iolanta-chomag)
Active Member Customer
Joined: 1 month ago
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Hi! Why not adverbs instead of adjectives?


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Iolanta Chomag
(@iolanta-chomag)
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Joined: 1 month ago
Posts: 5
 

Hi, I've got two more questions regarding the course material, if you don't mind:

1. Overall, the number of people living in rural areas 2.  (increase) until the 2010s and is projected to 3.  (decrease) in the future.

The correct answer for No.2 is "increased" (Simple Past Tense). Could Past Perfect be used instead, as it happened until 2010?

2. From then until now, it 8.  (increase) by roughly 2 million people.

Why the answer "has increased" is marked as incorrect? On the next slide, there is a test where it says that Present Perfect could be used instead of Past Simple.

 

Hope to get some clarification 🙂


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Sam
 Sam
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Topic starter  

@iolanta-chomag Hi there Iolanta. Typically adverbs end in 'ly'. You can see the pattern here: youtube video word forms

To answer your other questions:

1) Yes we can use the past perfect, but the past simple is more suitable. This is because we should use the past perfect when we want to make a sequence of past events clear. Here the order of events is already clear, so we default to using the past simple. This is a subtle point so do not worry too much about it. It will become clearer the more you expose yourself to English. This blog post may help (see 'When to use...' and 'When not to use the past perfect')

2) The previous exercise was just to check your knowledge of the past simple and present forms, not the present perfect. Perhaps we should make this clearer in the task. Thank you for your questions!

 

 


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Nabilah
(@nabilah-2)
New Member
Joined: 1 month ago
Posts: 1
 

Hi Sam, would you please review my answer for Writing Task 1?

The bar chart shows reason of people travel to town, while the pie chart displays the transport used by them. As the most reason people travel to the Town Centre is Shopping, highest number of transport they use are bus, tram, or train in this case.

Thank you.

Regards,
Nabilah


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FATEMAH AlAwadi
(@fatemah)
New Member
Joined: 1 month ago
Posts: 1
 

The bar chart shows various causes of people's travelling to the town centre, whereas the pie chart compares different transportation methods used to reach there. Overall, commonest reasons of taking a journey to the town were shopping, education and work using buses, trams and trains as  popular ways of travelling.


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Iolanta Chomag
(@iolanta-chomag)
Active Member Customer
Joined: 1 month ago
Posts: 5
 

@admin Thank you, Sam!


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
Member Admin
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 100
Topic starter  

@nabilah-2 Hi there Nabilah, we have a few collocation and superlative errors here:

collocation:

reason of people travel

correction:

reasons given/offered/provided by people for traveling

reasons people give/offer/provide for traveling

superlative:

the most reason

correction:

the most common reason

superlative:

highest number of transport

correction:

the most used/popular form/mode of transport 

Final introduction:

The bar chart shows the reasons provided by people for traveling in to town, while the pie chart displays the transport used by them (we know who uses the transport from the context). As the most common reason people travel to the town centre is Shopping, the most popular modes of transport they use are private: the bus, tram, or train.

 


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Sam
 Sam
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Member Admin
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 100
Topic starter  

@fatemah Hi Fatemah, this is a good effort that displays a wide range of grammar and vocabulary. Here are a few suggestions:

1) 'cause' typically has negative connotations, so is used with problems (cause of + problem  /  problem + causes people to ...). We can use more neutral words for this context: purpose / reason. While it is not technically grammatically incorrect, we don not often use a gerund with a possessive in a noun phrase ('people's traveling to the city centre') so I suggest we reform this phrase to 'various purposes of people's trips to the city centre' or 'various reasons for making the trip to the city centre'. Notice the collocation 'make the trip'.

2) 'commonest' should be 'the most common'

3) 'reason of' should be 'reason for'

4) to add a little more clarity at the end, we should describe buses, trams and trains as the most popular ways of traveling.


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