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Academic Writing Task 1

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Sam
 Sam
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If you have any questions related to Academic Writing Task 1, or you would like us to look at your work, let us know here. 


seham
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Hi Sam, could you please check my Task 1 writing?

The graphs show the exact number of people who travel to the city depending on their goals, and the kind of transport they use to get there. Overall, Shopping, Education, and work saw the main reasons, while Social, health and other intense showed the smallest number. Bus, Tram and train are the popular way to go there. 

Many thanks

 


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Sam
 Sam
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Hi Seham,

I've attached the task image to this post so people can see it.

You have organised your response well, with a paraphrase followed by an overview. In the paraphrase you use the present tense (travel, use) and in the first paraphrase sentence you use the past (saw, showed). In the final sentence you use the present tense again. For simplicity and accuracy, keep your tenses consistent; use the past tense here since the data is from the past.

You say '...work saw the main reasons.' We use 'see' the same way that we use 'experience' - with nouns like 'rise, fall, increase, decrease' etc. Here is an example 'the value saw/experienced an increase over the period'

This means that we can't use 'see' with 'the main reasons'.

Better: 'Overall, shopping, education and work were the main reasons for travelling, while...'

If I were you I wouldn't mention 'social, health and others' because you already have enough info in your overview with the mention of buses, trams and trains. I limit my overview to two main trends, not three.

I hope that helps, let me know if you have more questions.

Sam


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seham
(@seham)
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Thank you, Sam, for Your notes really helped me to understand how to use " saw".
I was in a rush, I put my self in the same exam condition.
I will rewrite what you corrected again.

That was super helpful to me

Thanks

This post was modified 3 years ago by seham

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bindaw
(@bindaw)
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Hi Sam, could you take a look at this, please.

The bar graph displays why people have entered to the city-centre whereas the pie chart shows how to have they get thair. Overall, daily activities like Education, Shopping and Work are the main reasons to travel to the city centre. furthermore, people use public means of transport to get there in most cases.

 

 


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Sam
 Sam
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Joined: 3 years ago
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Topic starter  

Hi Bindaw, your introduction sentence is good, except for the last part 'how to have they get thair'. Try: '...whereas the pie chart shows how they travel there.' The verb 'get/got' is a bit informal/simple so we should use a different verb like 'travel'.

Can you combine your overview into one sentence, like: 'Overall, daily activities like education, shopping and work are the main reasons to travel to the city centre, with people using public means of transport to get there in most cases.' Notice I have used a structure 'with + subject + verb ing'

Another example: Pollution is bad in the city, with factory smoke being the main cause of the issue.

I hope that helps,

Sam


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Eugene ZenBerry
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Dear Sam, could you please check my academic writing task 1 overview?

Here it is: 

'The bar chart illustrates the number of reasons for people to visit the city center, whereas the pie chart shows the possible ways to travel there. 

Overall, the most popular activity is shopping and the least popular is healthcare with people using public transportation in most cases.' 

Thanks a lot in advance and have a great day!

Best, Eugene

 


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Sam
 Sam
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Topic starter  

@zenberry

Hi there Eugene, this is a great example of an introduction paragraph, with just one inaccuracy in your overview that I'd like to mention.

You define 'healthcare' as an activity, which is not correct. Try rephrasing 'Overall, the most popular activity is shopping and the least popular is to visit the pharmacy or other health-related institutions.' I'd also change the word 'popular' as it implies we know what the public desire to do, rather than just reasons for visiting. 'Overall, the most common reason for visiting is shopping,...'

I hope this is clear for you.


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Eugene ZenBerry
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@admin

Thanks a lot! ^_^ Your course is amazing!


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heba
 heba
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Hey .. would you please give me feedback on my task 

The bar chart illustrates most common  reasons for which people travel to the center of the city,whereas the pie chart provides  data concerning different  mood of transportations are  taken to the city center.

Overall, shopping and work being the most common causes make people travel to the city center ,while  health- related issues  conseder the least  contributing factors . However, regards  to the mood of  transportation ,public methods accounted more  popular  than private one .

 


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Sam
 Sam
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Topic starter  

@heba

Hi Heba, I'll write in my corrections here:

The bar chart illustrates (the) most common reasons for which people travel to the center of the city,whereas the pie chart provides data concerning different mood (modes) of transportation(s)  (that) are taken to the city center.

Overall, shopping and work being (are) the most common causes (reasons) (that) make people travel to the city center ,while health- related issues conseder (make up) the least contributing factors. However, (in) regards to the mood (modes) of transportation, public methods accounted (were) more popular than private one .

This is a good attempt. For the overview I recommend you only write about two trends (ie the most common reasons for travelling and the most popular methods of transportation not three (ie with the least common reason for travelling. This will shorten your overview and mean you are less likely to repeat yourself when you write your two body paragraphs.

Be careful of basic vocabulary mistakes (modes not moods) and how you paraphrase. For example, we can't describe shopping and work as the most common cause. We use 'reason' instead. But If you don't want to repeat that phrase from the first sentence, paraphrase like this:

'Overall, travellers visited the city centre most frequently for shopping and work'

I hope this is useful!


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heba
 heba
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@admin

This is really helpful and very precise as well , thanks alot 

I will do better next time 


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heba
 heba
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kateryna.moroy
(@kateryna-moroy)
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Joined: 2 years ago
Posts: 1
 

Hi Sam, could you please check my Task 1 writing?

The bar chart shows the explanation of people travelling to the City Centre and pie chart displays the types of transport used to get to the Town Centre. Overall, the main reason of  making a journey is shopping while the leader mean of transport appears to be a bus.

Thanks in advance.


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Sam
 Sam
(@admin)
Member Admin
Joined: 3 years ago
Posts: 103
Topic starter  

Hi there Kateryna, let's look at your overview first. You have used 'explanation' rather than 'reason' but 'explanation' is not quite a synonym, as an explanation is typically a long description of a reason, rather than the reason itself. You could say 'The bar chart shows the reasons of people...' or 'The bar chart shows what causes people to travel to...' You have used a synonym of 'city centre' ('town centre') but referencing is a better idea to reduce reptiton. Finish the overview with 'to get there'.

Next, your overview. A collocation mistake: Replace 'reason of' with 'reason for'. 'while the leader mean of transport' should be written 'while the leading means of transportation'

So mainly a few vocabulary mistakes, but you are on the right path. Well done!


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